Greetings again fellow travelers, I feel the need to once again share my thoughts with this imaginary audience, at least unburden my mind from the sticky musings that chain me to this current existence in the hopes of breaking them from repeated effort. you might detect my feelings of fatalistic surrender to these times of unwinding, as our civilization continues to devolve and sink into soul sickness and materialistic fervor. Days like this I must retreat and so I shall.
My mind has been chewing on this cosmic game of gotcha, this charade of life in which we are taught that we are here for learning and growth. That the trials and suffering we must endure are for our own good. We are taught that we must find the path back to god and endure this misery with a smile to reap eternal blessing in some future life that is veiled from our knowing. That we can seek and find the answers by divine intervention and if we don't the fault is solely ours for not being good enough, or some other myriad reason that is delivered by some supposed authority who needs our obedience to their way, and some money, never forget that gods kingdom needs our money. Which in reality is our time and effort, we trade our life in 8 hour increments for the ability to exist here, to participate in this game.And if we don't play by these rules we are told in no uncertain terms that the penalty will be a forever separation from god,family,friends,happiness and growth, to be replaced by the torment of knowing we didn't live good enough to meet the standard of a being who is harder to find than Bigfoot. I wonder sometimes why god allows so many religions and philosophies, why confusion reigns in the hearts and souls of his beloved children.
We are born to an earthly mother, and in most cases this comes with a family, this family usually lives by other families and that we call a neighborhood. Many times this neighborhood is in a village or town or city with many other families. And many times there is a consensus of what is good and bad, we usually share many common beliefs of who god is and what he wants. We worship together on the chosen day, together we are a community. So it follows that we are born into a certain belief system, catholic, christian, muslim hindu, budest, all are very different, each requiring certain ways of living. The kaleidoscope of humanity has so many different ways to approach the divine. Each belief system posits that "they" are the true and correct way for eternal salvation, and that following or believing any other way just can't get you to heaven. Each one of the multitude of systems each with it's offshoots and denominations have the only true religion, and as I have stated we are born into this man made spiritual slavery. Spin the will and make your choice, its only your eternal life, forever happiness and bliss, or eternal misery, so don't fuck it up.
As my spiritual quest for answers brought me to the understanding that belief systems and religions were man made because why would one god have so many different religions? I am not saying that there is not good to be found in them, I'm not tossing the baby out with the bath water, all of them have much good about them for personal and spiritual growth as we perceive it, however the fatal flaw in each is the belief that they are the only way and that all others are wrong. I get it, you wouldn't get many converts if you waffle on this doctrine, and by denying being the only true church you lose your only tool to force obedience from the members which is fear, fear of being wrong in the most important decision you could ever make. Hence this game of gotcha.
So the search continues for me, with the understanding that the only way to find god is to let god find you. My wife calls this arrogance on my part, to want god to show me what i need to know, she is totally pissed that I can't shut up and go along to get along, she is fully indoctrinated in the belief that I must follow her belief before I can be told by god of its' truth, so there is a little tension in our relationship at this point. Perhaps i am being arrogant to believe that the creator of all would deign to show this average man anything, maybe she is right. But that doesn't sway me from my path of search for meaning, the search for the only thing with meaning. God, are you listening ?
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