Wednesday, May 25, 2016

On my walk this morning...

Fuck! Are you watching this shit! It is un-fucking believable where we find ourselves and our country! I am in a constant state of wtf, I shit you not. I am frankly ashamed that we have to have this conversation. You and I are both the children of God, we were created in his image. But in nature and in our humanity there is diversity, multi colored and resplendent. We are all equal, and whenever someone says they are more equal than others animal farm style they should be quarantined and contained as quickly as possible. Whenever one of you motherfuckers decide that I should conform to your twisted sense of society and demand that I should tolerate filth, I strongly decline.

So should you for that matter. We are in this together, it is up to us to fix it. Hillary and her husband have shown time and again what they are, the most evil and depraved beings drawing breath on this planet. There is nothing they wont do to drink from the fountain of power, me first always. Trump is their friend look at all the photos and communication between them( google it fucker, I am not your research assistant ;)  We are between a rock and a hard place my friend. At a time when we as human beings should rise up as one, we are arguing about bathrooms?  We have people who think that they should be paid money from the rest of us because of something happened to their ancestors should be paid in full today like the few survivors of the holocaust( once again, find out for yourself) and the Americans who think that because someones great granddaddy did something to theirs I owe them. Folks, this fight is not between you and me, frankly I don't give a fuck that a man likes another or females the same way, boy, girl, black, red, yellow white it don.t matter, but those demon fuckers who are killing us do. That is where the fight is. I wake up early every day to read the bullshit of life, most times it brings a chuckle, or a grin because I find it amusing how the media celebrates the worst our species has to offer. But the poison they are force feeding us now has brought me to a state of profanity.

The man, who I call out in all his forms and masks( there are so many I will not list them, that is up to you to decide for yourself at this point) is on the warpath, he knows the time is short. Why else would they foul their nest with radiation( just look at Fukushima and Hanford), chemtrails, gmos, and poison water,pharmaceutical homicide, vaccines and cancer, we are in the crosshairs as a group of batteries, they have no humanity and don't plan on hanging out as your family starves see Venezuela , get back in line slave.

If we play the game they have given us we are doomed.Fuck them, think for yourself, think about the world we are leaving for our children, this very idea is what matters, if we cant get along we will tear this world to pieces.

Monday, November 30, 2015

chaos as a life choice

Like sands through an hourglass so are the lies falling away, spiraling back down to the infernal realm in which they are birthed. I see the world paradigm shift in miraculous ways when I am paying attention, and fortunate enough to be tuned in to a degree, although spiritually painful to view, and be party to the end of the world as we believed it to be . In olden days I would have been a hermit, recluse or mountain man because I find it so hard to deal with people in these so called modern days. We are worse humans than those from the past, as I view it in my perspective, after watching the world with some intensity for the time I have been here, a half century shortly. My friends and teachers from the previous generation who I have learned  so much from, as they have shared their knowledge and wisdom have given way to the current generation of beings who choose to be nothing more than batteries in the matrix, caring nothing for mother earth who gives us form nor for her husband who gives us spirit. People are choosing to live a virtual life through social media, reclined in the la-z-boy office chair zoning at a constantly refreshing computer screen, allowing their mind to stimulate the organs of life on zero pretext of any kind of reality. Where was I?

I describe myself as a white hetero man, monotheistic, born and raised mormon, former military, semi educated. I may not have the right credentials according to some, to comment on anything according to our present illusory construct we call society, but that's ok because I don't recognize those imitators of life either. I figure I am a free man, I will go along(to some degree) to get along but with people these days who desire to attempt to convince me of how to feel, or to accept their world view, most times at the point of a metaphorical sword, meaning to conform to "their" pc garbage. Nope, not this guy. Not anymore, not ever again. If life is about choices, then maybe it's time to chose me. I choose me over any bullshit construct that was mentally created before I had ability to chose. I revoke any supposed rights or privileges imagined by the imaginary "state" that "they" believe I gave them. I am accommodating, I will go along until they choose to impose their "pursuit of happiness" on me.

 When did we as humans need so many damn labels to help us know who we are? really? Is the duck face our new understanding of beauty? Our synthetic society destroys the beauty of the creation, and all the possibility's it brings, it tries to ape the natural grace and splendor we could have if we choose to make a different choice other than the false right left bullshit we are subject to by our supposed rulers.

I am.

f n funny considering


RIP brother,godspeed 
  this is a good song too

a sermon from our departed brother






Tuesday, October 6, 2015

did I say that?

I feel out of my comfort zone with this post, I am a mystic not a political commentator, grin. However I spend my time and thought process within this illusion watching how people and energy combine to present the production we call "the world we live in".  Most times I stay away from forming an opinion, I like to let a new thought sit awhile, poke and prod it to find how it responds, and let others share their thoughts on the matter, I am in no rush to believe, one way or another. So it is with some degree of trepidation I will say,"I wish our leader was Vladimer Putin!" Ya I must be a commie, right?

This guy... man, this guy,  is what a leader should be.  Sometimes he makes me feel sorry that we as a nation have not straightened things out in our country ourselves. I have watched him for some time, heck I trained to fight the USSR military in days gone by, they were our sworn enemy. But this guy....  I know that he was KGB, soviet intelligence, he is smart and tough to have succeeded in that realm.  I watch his interviews and see his skill displayed, he means what he says no doubt. And does what he says he will do, which is a stark contrast to the US sniveling sycophants of Satan we have in our country. Our politicians and bureaucrats have sold us down the river long ago for their thirty pieces of silver, and their soul, let us not forget. Where have you spent your energy I wonder, as our country slides into the cesspit of history?

We are all in the same boat I figure. We as proud Americans, (red,white, black, yellow, and brown) have stood by as our elected leaders have prison raped us, and took our freedom as they wiped their dicks on our face. Really? Are we that fucking tame?  I shit you not, unless we sack up we are going to pay. The elite only see green, and we my friend are not, green.

I am trying to come to terms with the power that is running my life, Free agency is a mirage for the credulous, and simple minded. This world, universe, dimension, density, I could go on listing all the words of our captivity, but I wont, grin, is meant for a purpose, one that I cannot fathom to date.  I am working on it, as you should be as well, and I am not so sure that our answers will be the same. Be of good cheer my friends
Don't be a doormat, we are the children of the creator. It's going to be okay.


hell ya








Thursday, April 23, 2015

Fake it till you make it, a personal note

My family and the few close friends I have call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist, and accuse me of being a doom and gloom kind of guy. I am immune these days to the eye rolls and shrugs that always seem to accompany any sort of communication. Now, I don't carry a sign on main street declaring, "the end is coming" or use a bull horn to proclaim the destruction that is knocking on  our door, but I have no qualms about expressing my opinion on religion, politics, economics and sundry, I have a broken heart from watching the elite of this world killing and maiming my brothers and sisters for this illusion we call money. I can openly weep for the death of our planet, and all the varied life it supports, this pain is slowly killing me.

I can stand outside and watch as the chemtrails cloudy the once blue sky, I point it out to those who listen, and then retreat to their happy place of ignorance. With a few key strokes on any search engine you can find out that the state of Israel was responsible for the 9-11 attack, along with turncoat traitor quislings in our government, I can plead with people to Google the fuckashima disaster, to understand the largest ocean on our home planet is dying, and tell them we are next. I point out the all out assault on American citizens by the police forces who once were our protectors and friends. Beyond any doubt the international bankers have robbed our country of trillions of dollars, laundered drug money, and used the us military to force the world to bend to the banksters wet dream of owning the world. Our own government arms the drug cartels who are killing our children with their poison, indeed our government and it's war on drugs have stamped out any competition to their monopoly on dealing them to the world. The political corruption that is no longer hidden in dark smoky backrooms is now televised and cataloged by bloggers and journalists much more adept than this hill billy carpenter I have turned out to be. For years I have watched the vile darkness gather, and spread corrupting any and all who come into contact with it, I watch as my loved ones bow to the overlords of humanity, hoping that they will not be singled out of the herd and destroyed, they beg me to keep still my tongue and not to antagonize those who seemingly have all the power that this world offers to those who would compromise their humanity for the thirty pieces of silver that they need to feed their children.

I have been under employed, slandered, marginalized, and made the butt of countless jokes. Brutalized emotionally by those who are supposed to love me most. They tell me to keep quiet so I can get a good job, to prepare for my retirement, to fall into step with them and learn to enjoy the pleasures that being a good little citizen of empire brings. But I can't. I would not unring the bell of knowledge even if it were possible.I can not choose to be a lackey for the multi death corporations that are intent world domination, I will not sell my soul for a bowl of pottage, I would rather starve, and be homeless, which I am close enough to now that the grim reality stares me in the face every morning. I am losing my desire to live in this hellhole day by day, not suicidal, but fatalistic, what will be will be. But I know this is not how the children of God should be living.

For twenty years at least I have prayed, and meditated, searched the scriptures and tried to find some way to have a relationship with the magic man in the sky, to serve his children like I think he would want, to contact an earth spirit, or angel who could lead me to a better understanding of who I am. My faith has been unswerving, my persistence and dedication all consuming, I have studied ancient and modern texts to find an answer that satisfies and fills the gaping wound in my spirit. This hole is something we all have, and cries to us to be filled with love and compassion for one another, and for knowledge of a creator whose existence can be reasoned out easily enough. I have found many who speak of such relationships, who tell me many ways this hole can be filled, having done it themselves, they say. Perhaps my criteria is more demanding than what we are allowed in this world, or it could be that I am at fault, or broken, or a failed human being not deserving the slightest sign or spiritual awakening. I went into a room and fasted and prayed for six days one time, until my wife threatened me with calling in the authorities to make me eat, I had planned for it to end in understanding or death, for this effort I earned nothing but an empty belly and considered crazy by those whom I love.

Nothing, no reply, no understanding or direction to turn, and having to watch the end of mankind unable in even a small way to ease the suffering of others let alone myself. The last five years has taken all my strength and hope and endurance and changed it to despair.

God, if you are reading this blog, let your heart be moved with compassion and allow me to be your servant in service to my brothers and sisters. Friends, pray for me and one another, we can't live like this. I am out.

I think I'm done. 

Hell yea


Tuesday, March 17, 2015

open letter

this is my last back and forth with the state of Utah

 Dear bureaucrat,
I accept that you view my financial details as proof of failure on my part to run a successful company, and in part you are right. I have made many mistakes as I have learned my profession and how to run a business, as I am sure that you, and all others in this world have as well. I take exception to the statement on page one,"or that granting a license in this case would be without jeopardy to the public health, safety and welfare." for many reasons. I boiled down the government word salad to mean that by my financial history I am a menace to society, how does health, safety and welfare have anything to do with financial history. My company history according to dopl shows that I never had a single complaint, and workers comp history shows that I had one minor claim from an employee sometime in 2000. While not calling me an outright criminal, which you saved for page two, you still implied that I conduct or will attempt to conduct fraudulent business practices. I flat out deny doing so. Any investigation into my person or my companies will show I have worked at a high standard of safety, welfare and concern for the public. I have contracted buildings Pro Bono for 2 churches of different faiths,a Masonic Lodge, and worked together and above board with all the building departments in my area.My company's have been members in both SUHBA and AGC organizations. and supported scouting and service projects throughout the city that I have resided in for the last 39 years, I have no nefarious intent and chide you for meanness. I have served in the Utah National Guard, B-btry 2BN 222fa with distinction and an honorable discharge in 2005 with 18 years of blood ,sweat and tears for your freedom and safety, I do not take kindly to people calling me a crook. It certainly is ironic coming from the state government whose last two attorney generals ave been indited for corruption, I guess I don't have the money to afford the same treatment. If I pay some more filthy lucre for the $50,000 surety bond I am back to being good, right?

  The events that led to my so called lack of financial responsibility stems from the 2008 thru 2012 tide that set back my industry as a whole. The mega banks went bankrupt through their fraudulent investments and demanded of the American citizens that we make whole their losses. So far we as citizens owe the Federal Reserve some 6 to 12 trillion dollars (according to which media source you use) to do so. Well, people stopped buying houses, throughout the country, citizens has lost confidence in the banking industry, (with good reason), To this point in time my banking and financial advisers had me convinced that equity and debt could balance, I found to my dismay that wasn't the case, my supposed investments turned to the means of my supposed loss of financial responsibility.  Since 2009 every single job I held was as a w-2 employee, excepting one, *****Building and my direct supervisor Solomon***, the work period lasted three months from January to March when I quit the company in disgust for the mismanagement I saw in the actions of Solomon. They missed payroll 5 times out of 8, bounced the only check he paid me, (preferring to pay in cash) and shorted my last payroll by my figures $800. To receive a 1099 at tax time surprised me even more you. It left me on the hook for the penalty and debt, which I paid, and taking my assumed wage of $16 an hour down to around $12 an hour,. On the first day of work for ******Building I turned in all my documents for the I-9 verification and a completed w-4 withholding form and assumed he had carried out his part. In February  I fell from a ladder due to poor job site conditions and told him I would like to see a doctor, he told me that he didn't have workers comp and to tough it out, telling me not to be a "pussy". I recovered to some degree and went back to work, although still injured. At this time he owed me in back wages, some $1200 and I had bills to pay, when he missed the next payday I quit in disgust. Two weeks later when I meet him at the bank to resolve the issue, he shorted me $800 from what I had written down, but because he keeps few financial records it became a case of he said, she said, he told me to check my records, but having been prepared for that I was, but he blew me off till he surprised me with the 1099 slip in the following January. My agreement with him was a w-2 employee at $16 an hour, not 1099. I wonder how a framing sub-contractor, (an average framing crew consists of four workers), pays no workers comp, how can they claim so many 1099 employees with zero documentation? Ask ****** Development how the last project for ****** builders worked out, and how lucky they were when the Licensed company, ***** construction, stepped in to solve the problem caused by Solomon fleeing the state, and you want to outright accuse me of unlawful conduct!

This country was built by men and women were willing to work hard for a brighter future for their children, who took seriously their pledge to work  for freedom and justice for all. The American dream took shape, we were taught we could be firemen, policemen,businessmen, astronauts, or the president. We don't set out to be deadbeats. Nor do I consider myself to be one, I am proud of the things I have accomplished, and of my family and all they have accomplished. I am proud of my chosen religious fellowship and all that we have accomplished, I use to be proud of my country and state. You and the behemoth bureaucracy that you are but one small cog have run your course. You have tried to kill the American dream by trying to help us, but you don't know me, and yet you make decisions that will impact me and my families life by working off some bullshit checklist, written by people making more laws than we can ever obey, How dare you to accuse me of unlawful conduct, how would you feel if I opened up your personal and financial life like has been done to me? I would encourage you to make a further investigation in this matter, I could even supply evidence to support all I have said. I am far from perfect, but so are you and all your cubicle mates who suck off the government teat.

I hereby withdraw my request forGeneral home building contractor, and withdraw my support for such an obviously corrupt decaying system
sincerely, a fellow child of God.

neil fisher

formally CEO of Neil Fisher Building

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

as the world turns

Happy new year my friends, may this new cycle bring us what we think is most important, and what we deserve. Be careful of what you wish for, it may well show up, and never in the package you thought was coming. I myself hope for a new year with less struggle and pain, however I am a realist and see the storm clouds as they gather. The feelings projected by the mass of humanity, and the movement of the stars do not bode well for us on the road ahead. Even with no apparent immenate destruction prophesied by those talking heads of msm who try to pound the mantra of, "go back to sleep" over and over into our souls, so can we be comfortable with our destruction  I choose to believe that we have chosen this time and this life to be here for the show and our own personal part in the production.

I think tolerance is the key to the new world, those few of "us" who are not fully developed as human beings must be separated from those of us who care. Its easy once you pay attention to the daily interactions with those around us. We just can't allow them to fuck up the world like they have to this point. Sure we have to jump through hoops to live in this police state, but "they" are losing the power, that is what is motivating them  in the current struggle, and it is about time the proud American individuals stand up and say something. We are not slaves who are told what to do, We are sovereign human beings, we are not useless eaters, but the means that put all the plenty on the table. Individuals created by God above, and live below. Can we really divine why the almighty would create such a bunch of renegades? Hard headed children ? Well I have had three souls brought into the world because of my absolute love with my mate, and they seem to be very similar to me, grin.

My friends, we are in good hands. No matter how dark it seems, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far away it seems, we are eternal, right? Children of God, with all the "time" we need. We are in this together, mark my words.

On the timing of this new cycle I have chosen to work on areas that I feel I fall short of who I want to be, maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew, but I have forever, right?

Monday, August 11, 2014

Homesteading in the valley of death

Let us resume our conversation you and I, and speak words that have meaning, let us try to unravel this ball of twine that is meant to keep us in our cage, pacified and subdued. What cage you ask? We live in the land of the free and home of the brave, you say, well.... I must beg to differ. Just because the bars are not readily visible through the smoke and mirrors of lies and deception to the majority of my countrymen, busy at stuffing their faces with toxic goo passed off as food, attending their churches who teach them who Christ wants them to shame and kill, and watching endless hours of depravity passed off as entertainment, the bars are there none the  less. I was once like you, I bought into the same pack of BS that most all of us do, I went along to get along, the when in Rome kind of thing, and I live in a place where it has been a necessary accommodation to escape the stiff neck judgement of my community. A sort of camouflage to protect my budding spirit. For the last thirteen years I have worn this mask, riding the fence, hiding my thought and feelings from everyone, playing my cards close to the chest to gain the space to consider more deeply those things of meaning. Several times I have thought that I had found the bottom to my personal suffering and things must surely begin an ascent to a better understanding of this confusing and tortuous place to find that this rabbit hole of pain has an endless depth. I have had to accept the fact that I am the author off most all of my suffering, that I chose to feel the way I do, that my perceptions are the seeds of my struggle. and that makes things even worse. I am afraid that we put ourselves in hell, we don't need a final judgement.

I have found that the plains of desolation contains oasis's few and far between, places to restore the mind and body. Even during the worst of times we can find a place to draw breath devoid of the sulfur and brimstone of our own making. It seems more than passing strange to find peace and love as we struggle in this difficult test. To find laughter and joy amidst the rubble of the world of man bent on self destruction. In these places of peace we find companions who make the journey worthwhile. Sometimes our time with them is cut short for whatever reason giving us a reason to mourn, ships in the night as we all continue on the path of our choices. We learn to treasure these times we have because they are so fleeting, after a loss we lose the security blanket of believing things never change, although in our deepest heart we know all things do. We find how temporary this material world is, and this feeling causes us to look for a more substantial existence, we want to find what comes next, it must continue surely? We search for truth in our own individual ways, trying to complete the tasks that are given to us, the children of God, some do it unconsciously, some with more mindfulness, all of us with no certainty. The only thing I know is that I don't know anything.

My world view has narrowed over the last few months, as I read those things that convinced me I knew something in days gone by I realize that I am different now, irrevocably changed by my struggle, with no more knowledge than I had before, only a list of things shown to be incomplete or outright false assumptions. I still long for home brothers and sisters, my hope for better times is shaky. I know that you feel these things too, or you would not be reading my feeble attempts to make some sort of sense of where we find ourselves, I am learning that we must live on faith alone, and that I have in abundance If you see my fire in one of these oasis's come have a seat and enjoy the love we can find together. Love is all you need, as spoken by our kindred who have passed from view.  .

amen